What is a Long Post?

Inexplicably way back in February, Heywally replied:

>>Re: long posts. Please refer to Nick's as yet unwritten Nicktoon Angora
>>pamphlet: "What Is A Long Post"

Sorry, they were out back, in a box.

What Is a Long Post?

 Long Post is a friend, a friend with a lot of tattoos that demands to be read, even when you don't have the time right now or your mom is wondering who that guy is anyhow, he looks like a motorcycle bum. A Long Post can begin "Hi there" when you're lonely, or "I love you" when you're sad, or "Make $50,000 in 5 weeks" when you're gullible, or "begin 644 hooters.jpg" when you're lonely but not the same kind of lonely like I mentioned before especially. Sometimes it seems that the net is flying and things are cranking and your e-mail is downloading like a bat out of hell when suddenly a Long Post wedges into your pipeline and things get plugged up like a hot dog in a wine bottle and your computer just sits there, downloading new art. A Long Post can be a happy interruption in a tragic day, or a tragic interruption in a happy day, or some other combination of day and interruption, unless it's night or something else entirely. And when that night comes and you're all alone with your computer and your wife is upstairs in bed, waiting, she'll call down to you asking hey, where's that Long Post of yours, you say hold on, it's coming now, you'll be upstairs in a minute. Then she says something angry and you hear the door slam, but it's okay because you love her and you know she loves you too, even though you don't know what she just got all pissy about, and then the Long Post finally downloads and you read it and it says begin 644 nudegingrich.gif.

That is a Long Post.