Chapter 8: Nevada Fighter

Forward to Chapter Eight:

It had been originally planned that this chapter was to be close-captioned for the Monkee-impaired. While the chapter was at the typesetters, however, the National Endowment For The Arts suffered a draconian budget cut in order to fund an additional $250,000,000 for Rupert Murdoch, and my Nicktoon grant was subsequently cancelled. I apologize for any inconvenience.

If you would like a transcript of this chapter, read it again.

Thank you for your time.

he kombucha tea had run out, leaving the bird-feeder dry. It was decided that the closest nutritional replacement was a Ralph's Cantaloupe Cocktail Snapple, which Rob was attempting to pour into the feeder; however, as they approached Cleveland the pavement had gotten rougher, and there was as much Snapple on the luggage as in the feeder. Tami had taken Beautymoon*'s position on the roof rocker, though it wasn't clear exactly why a replacement was on the roof was necessary, and Nightgown and Beautymoon* in turn were handling moo duties. By three o'clock they were nearing downtown Cleveland, and were hard in traffic due to an overturned tractor-trailer at Fulton Road.

Melhi called up to the roof. "Tam, how bad is it up ahead?"

Tami craned her neck. "Pretty bad. It's backed up past the truck at least to the turn, and I can't see further than that. Pretty gross. You see all the birds around here, Mel? If what I'm seeing is right, it looks like the truck skidded on a bunch of those birds. They're all over, it's really weird. Gross. Just where are we going, anyhow?"

Nightgown stuck his head out the window. "This far was all I know; all Nick said was 'Cleveland.' Okay, now where in this godforsaken town would babes hang out?"

"Babes don't hang out here, buddy. Babes leave," suggested Rob. "S'long as we're here, though, who wants to go to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame? It's up by the lake, and we can just take the next exit and use the sidestreets. The rest of the cars'll follow us."

Mel called back, "Doesn't anybody think that maybe -- just maybe -- we should take Nick to a hospital?"

Rob, Nightgown and Beautymoon* turned to look at each other, then glanced at the body lying on the luggage. There was silence for a moment as everybody mulled over this new thought.

"Naaaaaahh."

"Baaaaaahh."

The goat, an angora, interrupted its grazing and looked up towards the bright Indiana sky at yet another flock of blackbirds arrowing overhead and flying, with a dead reckon, eastwards towards Ohio. It sniffed the air; something was happening, something with an unspoken immediacy. It bleated again, then left its position in the lea and began ambling across the field, towards the hillock that separated the meadow from the interstate. Alerted by the sporadic movement, the other members of the flock also left off their pasturing and began to follow.

As they approached the hillock the sense of immediacy grew stronger until, when at last they crested the embankment, there was no question that they would be joining the immense herd of cows, horses, sheep and other quadripeds that spread out before them, massing down the length of the interstate towards the eastern horizon.

"I know this place." Brad looked around from the spot where they had been placed by the twister. We shouldn't be here."

"Tell me about it," Glenn smiled. "I should be lying in the shade of some coconut trees on the shore of Bora Bora, counting my billions from being head of Microsoft."

"Tell me about it," repeated Glenn. "I should be lying in the shade of some coconut trees on the shore of Bora Bora, counting my billions from being head of Microsoft."

"No, Glenn, that's not what I mean. We're on Tse Bit'a'i -- Shiprock. It's a sacred place for the Navajo. They don't let people climb on it."

"Why not?"

"Why not?"

Asdzaan nadleehe, known as Changing Woman, was the mother of the Navajo.

She was the daughter of the Sky and of the Mountain, of First Man and First Woman; her name was taken as she reached puberty four days after her birth, which is really the way to go if you're planning on puberty. In what was the first Navajo kinaalda ceremony, on the occasion of her first menstruation, she was dressed in abalone and turqouise and jet, her long hair anointed with the morning's dew, and as the Blessingway songs were sung for four days she ran into the dawn as far as she could see.

Late one morning as she walked a trail following the kinaalda, she was visited by a stranger. There was an aura about this stranger that could not be looked upon, and as Changing Woman averted her eyes, he spoke to her. "You must prepare, for something will soon happen. I will visit you again." This apparition appeared twice more at successive kinaaldas, and her father instructed her to place her bed outside, her head towards the east. When the stranger reappeared for the fourth time, he identified himself as Johonaaei, the Sun. Days later, Changing Woman gave birth to twins, which again is most definitely the way to go, especially with twins.

When Monster Slayer and Born For Water grew to young adulthood they built for their mother a house in the west, at the edge of the Pacific Ocean. It was here that out of loneliness she created the Navajo people from skin that she rubbed off various parts of her body.

This was the origin not only of the Navajo people, but also dermabrasion and the southern California beach house.

Blessed as the children of Asdzaan nadleehe, the Navajo people thrived and expanded eastward through the farmlands and deserts of the Southwest. Their golden age, however, was stopped short when the Monsters came.

There were four. First was Ye'iitsoh, who lived at Hot Springs in what is now New Mexico. The twins shot him with zigzag lightning arrows, first in the sole of his foot, then the hip, then finally in the back of his head, killing him; his blood may be still be seen today as the lava that lies at the foot of Mount Taylor.

Next came Deelgeed, the Horned Monster, who lived in the Jemez Mountains; Monster Slayer made short work of him, too. It was the blood from this monster that gave the chipmunk his stripes.

Last were The Rock Monster Eagles who lived and cared for their fledglings at the top of Shiprock, which the Navajo knew as Tse Bit'a'i, The Rock With Wings. Carried to the summit and left for dead, Monster Slayer built a lookout and awaited the return of the Monsters.

At noon, from the Lukachukai Mountains -- one of the Four Mountains of the Navaho -- the father Rock Monster Eagle returned. He was killed by Monster Slayer with a zigzag lightning arrow to the heart. A short while later the mother Rock Monster Eagle returned from Beautiful Mountain, and again Monster Slayer drew a lightning arrow, slaying her.

"...and so Monster Slayer became the savior of the early Navajo people. After the four monsters were killed, the fledglings were instructed by the twins to basically not cause any more trouble, and they were turned into an eagle and an owl." As he spoke, Brad had started climbing up the trail that led from their ledge. Listening intently to the legends, the others followed.

"You'll notice that the number four plays an important part in the stories of the Navaho. Every religion, every system of beliefs, seems to take an ordinal number for its own. Buddhism, as one of civilization's first philosophies, took dibs on the number one; Christianity used three, Judaism grabbed forty. The Navaho see four as their sacred number. There were the Four Mountains, the four-day periods in the life of Changing Woman. The Blessingway Ceremonies are based on the number. And the four animal spirits that accompanied Born For Water on his Chautauqua to the Sea-Of-Fires.

There was the eagle, who represented courage; the owl, wisdom; the chipmunk, pragmatism -- or, maybe, just cuteness; and one animal whose species was never stated. These spirits cared for Born For Water along the trek, and it was with them that he entered the Sea-Of-Fire to attain a sort of spiritual immortality."

"How do you know all this, Brad? I didn't know you were that much up on the Navajos." [For the sake of brevity, we'll only listen to Glenn the first time he says anything]

"Well, I'm not, not really. But I know this legend."

"How? "

"We were stuck in that tornado for, what, seven or eight hours? Most of the night, anyway... I had nothing else to do, so I read ahead to Chapter Eight. It was all written out there."

"But THIS is Chapter Eight," Glenn said, briefly leaning on the Caps Lock key.

"Yeah, so..?"

Glenn thought about this for a few moments, and decided that -- if nothing else -- it had its own internal logic, and it seemed consistent enough. "Okay, how do we get down? How did Monster Slayer and his brother get down?"

"Well, that's another long story, but I can tell you that we need to get up to the top."

"Why?"

"Chapter Nine."

And the Monkeeheads began the slow climb around and up the west face of Tse Bit'a'i. The basalt was surprisingly sharp and unweathered, and there was one narrow ledge where they had some trouble getting around an apparent Elvis impersonator who was on the way down, but they did make slow progress. Just like this story. No, faster, actually.