The Forbidden Twinkie
by Melissa
t was my first time in the clubhouse and I gazed around with overwhelmed eyes. I beheld every site with awe. From the Ferris Wheel out back to the remarkable multi-storied soapbox with built in elevator I knew this was truly a place only Monkees fans could create.
As I stumbled through the multitude of rooms I happened across a chamber full of TV's. I saw that all TV's were set to the AM (All Monkees) Channel and you could simply tell the television which episode you wished to view. I felt I had seen enough for the time being, for you understand this is the first time I'd been released from the Monkees Obssesives Clinic from Torka's Home for Wayward Girls and I wasn't ready to behold such a miraculous place.
I began to feel hungry and saw a table piled high with Twinkies. I removed the top Twinkie from the perilously high, swaying pile. I found my way into the spa (with my clothes on thankyouverymuch) and lay down on a bench. I slowly nibbled on the Twinkie, savoring each bite. A bit of wooziness came over me and the room began to swirl around me. A purple haze rose around me and I found myself face to face with The Monkees!
I was high above the clubhouse, yet could see and hear everything that was going on. Peter stepped forward and began to speak, "Young One, you have disrupted the cosmic order of life. You have eaten the FORBIDDEN TWINKIE! You must right this terrible wrong and restore balance to the world."
Mike blinked, and blinked again. He shook his head. "Ah, stop it, man, you're gonna scare the kid. Look, look down there and see what is happening."
And so I looked down at the clubhouse below. Here's where my story really begins.
"199... 200... 201... Hey guys come quick!" yells the Funky Cold One in a petrified voice. She waits until everyone has gathered. "I don't want to alarm anyone, but one of the Twinkies is missing!"
There is a terror-filled silence. Chef Frank breaks the silence, "Are you sure you didn't miscount?"
The Funky Cold One replies, "I'm totally sure. I was doing the daily count and only came to 201. The two-hundred-and second Twinkie is missing. Number 202 is gone!"
There are frightened whispers flowing through the crowd. Zan gulps and murmurs "The FORBIDDEN TWINKIE..."
There is a great commotion. Suddenly Melhi appears and climbs to the top of the soapbox. "The FORBIDDEN TWINKIE is missing. We must find out who has it before they try to eat it. Was anyone here for there first visit today? Were all first-time visitors warned about the Twinkies? Who is missing?"
Everyone in the crowd looks around making a mental check of the people present. Rosinha steps forward, "Where is Melissa? Where has the second-youngest lister gone?"
There is a hasty search and it is found that Melissa is missing. Melhi reclaims the crowd's attention, "As both Melissa and the FORBIDDEN TWINKIE are missing, we will assume they are together. Let's split up and search for them!"
The group disbands in search of the missing pair. I felt fear at first, then bewilderment. I had eaten the FORBIDDEN TWINKIE! Wait, what the heck is the FORBIDDEN TWINKIE?
I turned to the guys seeing that only Mike and Peter remained. "Where are Micky and Davy?" I asked.
Mike replied, "With the manicurist. And Micky is getting his hair done."
I thought for a moment and said, "Oh... But I don't understand. What is the FORBIDDEN TWINKIE? How have I upset the cosmic order? What do I do?"
Peter put his hand on my shoulder, "Young One, let me tell you the story of the FORBIDDEN TWINKIE. Once, long ago, I met with a mysterious being. A being made of light and energy, with a soft creamy filling."
"This being guided us through our musical career, lighting our way to fame. When it became obvious that our end had come, the Mysterious One decided to save herself for us to guide us when our fame rose again. She disguised herself in the form of a Twinkie, making for herself a plastic wrapping to keep her safe. For protection we stored her in the clubhouse, hoping that she would remain safe until the world needed the love of The Monkees once more."
"We knew the time had come when the Mysterious One returned to us saying, 'Go my loved ones. The time has come for you to return to the spotlight. You shall stage a 30th anniversary tour. And the multitudes will come. And it will be good.' And I cried out to the Mysterious One, 'Oh Mysterious One! You have returned to us. You will keep us safe on our tour! Won't you, oh Mysterious One?' The Mysterious One looked at me and gently spoke to me, 'Oh, Peter, you no longer need me to guide you. The love of your fans will keep you on track. I shall return to my Twinkie form. But I must warn you, if anything happens to me the Monkees will vanish forever.' So, Young One, you see, without the Twinkie there are no Monkees."
"We release you back to the world for you to right this terrible wrong, but we do not send you alone. Take this wool cap." He pinned it to the inside of my jacket. "Once you have found the answer we will return you to your material form."
And so the mist vanished and I was once again in the spa, the crumpled Twinkie wrapper beside me on the bench. I could see Torka there and I could hear her calling my name. I called back, but she didn't hear me. I ran up to her and waved my arms, "Torka, Torka!" I cried. But she didn't see me.
I knew what I had to do. I had to restore the cosmic balance. Closing my eyes, I reached deep inside my thoughts to call forth the wisest being I could remember. I opened my eyes. Before me sat the guru from HEAD.
"Young One, how can I help you?" I sat back, startled. He spoke, he could see me, and hear me.
I stuttered, "Ohh, I... I... I don't know how to restore the cosmic order. I ate the FORBIDDEN TWINKIE!"
The guru thought, and thought, and thought. Then he replied, "Young One, without the Mysterious One, the FORBIDDEN TWINKIE, the Monkees do not exist. You must restore the faith of the others before the FORBIDDEN TWINKIE can return!"
Once again I was in the clubhouse. I was not in my physical form but I was strong enough to be seen. I ran into the main room of the clubhouse. The people there were milling about in a dazed fashion.
I grabbed Mama Nantucket's arm. "Mama Nantucket!" I cried, "I ate The FORBIDDEN TWINKIE! The Monkees don't exist anymore! Help me remind the others!"
Mama Nan looked at me, "Excuse me, but who is that on the TV? Who are all of these pictures of? Who, who are the the Monkees?"
I cried, "No, no! You could not have forgotten already!"
I climbed the soapbox. I preached the history of the Monkees. I ran the group through days of training, and watching, and listening, until they remembered, and loved, and appreciated, and knew the Monkees again.
I found myself in a room filled with purple haze once more. Peter stepped out from the mist. He said lovingly, "You have done well, Young One. All is restored. You will now be returned to your physical form!"
I sat up and rubbed the back of my skull. My brain was throbbing. I was in the spa on the bench, with the FORBIDDEN TWINKIE, whole again, beside me.
Torka entered the room, "Melissa!" she cried, "I forgot to warn you about the FORBIDDEN TWINKIE!"
I sighed. Obviously no one else remembered. "Let me tell you the story of the FORBIDDEN TWINKIE," she said, "Once, long ago..."
As Torka told the tale, I reached inside my jacket, and found a green wool cap.