Mollusks and Monkees??

by The Listers

e can get a parody thread started at the drop of a, well, a thread... In this case, it was LarryD's fault (it usually was... <g>).

This particular round started out when Nez posted to a.m.m. that he was not going to be joining The Monkees on the 30th Anniversary Tour. He mentioned that he was working with the others on another project (which we now know to be their album, Justus).

This post from Nez was copied from a.m.m. to the Mailing List, where tami commented:

> His last statement about "we are all working on something" is VERY
> interesting... i wonder what that could be?
Hmm... I automatically assumed he was talking about the documentary, but I
guess I shouldn't make those assumptions, eh?

And this is where LarryD (that troublemaker!) started the ball rolling:

Date: Fri, 17 May 1996 11:53:24 -0400

Hey hey.

Tami makes the inferential leap:

>Hmm... I automatically assumed he was talking about the documentary, but I
>guess I shouldn't make those assumptions, eh?

I can see it now:
"But Mike said, 'The Monkees don't DO songs about mollusks.' "

In a time-honored List tradition, Davi3d could not let an opening as large as this pass by:

Date: Sat, 18 May 1996 17:58:34 -0600 (MDT)

>I can see it now:
>"But Mike said, 'The Monkees don't DO songs about mollusks.' "

Oh, no?

<heh, heh, heh - Davi3d's unbeilivably bad pun mode on>

How about:

Teeny Tiny Clam
You Can't Tie A Mollusk Down
Randy Squids Git
Peter Percival Patterson's Pet Squid Porky
Starfish Collector
Snails-man
Zor And Clam
I'll Be Back Upon My Feet (Clams Got Feet!)
Take A Giant Slug
All The King's Octopi
Gonna Buy Me A Slug
Tear The Tentacle Right Off My Squid
The Oyster (The trawler is coming to town, it said on the oyster...)

Need I go on?  You'll do *what* to me if I go on?  Ooh, that sounds
painful. <g>

The pink-feathered flamingo lady followed up:

Date: Sun, 19 May 1996 00:11:30 -0400

hmmmm 
She Clams Out <yuk!>
ClamCake City
Riu Chowder
Someday Clam
Mollusk Song
BiValve Diego

okay i'm going now, before i actually start to write this stuff.....

Robin-Pickles (temporarily renamed "Robin-Fishckles") jumped in with both feet:

Date: Sun, 19 May 96 00:42:18 EDT
Subject: The Squid I left behind me

ITs happining again... =)

Couldnt help but add....

Heart and Sole
Gettin Fins
Tender Squid
Tear The Top off my Frog legs
Your Auntie The Grouper
You Cod me
Early Morning Tuna and Bass
Shades of red (snapper)

and the end all beat all

I'm a clam digger...

oh god... Help me I've been taken hostage in a fish factory...

Melhi, the Parody Queen [tm], is the next contributor:

Date: Sun, 19 May 1996 11:26:15 PST

Lessee, last year in May, Davi3d found the first clues in the Monkees-cow
cownection.  Now, this year, also in May, Davi3d finally saw the sound of
the sea.  We shoulda known that there was something going on, though...
remember my own premoonition post from last year?

It went something like this:

Tim Buckley guested on the Monkees  ==>
He sang siren song  ==>
Sirens are often confused with Mermaids ==>
Mermaids are really SEA COWS!!!!

Eerie, huh?  Told you I'm startlingly accurate... or at least startling
<G> Not only this, but TB guested on Frodis Caper, didn't that 
episode also air in <gulp> May????

So, last night, as I found myself avoiding my (sadly fishless, now that
my shark died) aquarium, I decided to take a closer look at my Monkees
stuff.  There, in black and white before me, I saw it:

"Slug Slime in the Morning"  (A mollusk connection!!  Oh no!)
"Porpoise Song"  (When will the sea stuff end???)

And in the video box set Rose Cowrie was listed not once, but twice in
the credits. (another mollusk ref or a cow ref?  Or <gasp> BOTH????)

My thoughts turned to David FishHead and the 96 tour.  

Suddenly, I found myself (I had been missing for several days, y'know)
growing more and more nervous. What the heck a nervou is I cannot tell
you, but they didn't look good, so I had Heath burn em off. Sadly, in
my now frantic state (hey, you let a sleepy Heath poke at you with a 
flaming branch and see how calm you are!) I was distracted enough to put 
on a *Monkees* tape to relax me. This turned out to be a big mistake.

Maybe it was my mind state... maybe it was the tape... maybe it was Heath
singing along trying to scare me more... maybe I'm making this up, but I
swear (a long steady stream of many colorful expletives), the lyrics
started to change.  I heard:

o/` 
Mary-- brought to the clambake, Mussels, swimming in brine
Sonja-- donated Cockles and some lemon rind

Oh I've seen all kinds of mollusks
Wish I had not eaten one
Look out!  Here comes my dinner
Oh how I wish the oysters weren't underdone!  

Told my 
Host that I loved it
Said it, meant it and it was true
But I 
Can't help but wonder
Why I'm turning blue

Oh I've seen all kinds of mollusks
Wish I had avoided some
Look out!  Here comes my dinner
Oh how I wish the oysters weren't underdone!
o/`

Then Eva made a splash:

Date: Sun, 19 May 1996 18:45:17 -0700
Subject: More for Davi3d's List

Try these little tunes...

Look Out (Here Comes Escargot)
(I'm not Your) Cherrystone
Don't Calimari
Long Title (Do I Have To Clean These All Over Again?)
Tema dei Monkfish
For Pete's Hake
Let's Fish On

I guess flamingo didn't leave fast enough, because she ended up writing one...

Date: Sun, 19 May 1996 20:35:42 -0400
Subject: you don't wanna know

my-my-mollusk in the sky
can't even run away, has nothing to say.
a shell, a smell, a biovac by choice, 
but it has no voice
here with the seal, down deep with the eels,
swimming, thru the mire
but the mollusk is waiting, to die, to die........
chow-der, chow-der, chow-der
click, clack, splat goes the crack as he's opened and
packed for the seafood case.....
and then he's seen, and chosen for size and cooked with fries
served on the side.....
wanting to flee, with no eyes to see, hiding in the sand.....
but the mollusk is waiting, to die, to die.............
chow-der, chow-der, chow-der...................

Zan couldn't leave well enough alone:

Date: Mon, 20 May 1996 00:37:31 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: ... and a pair of red mahi-mahis

How about these?

All King Neptune's Seahorses
The Crippled Lionfish
Can You Fish It?
As We Row Along
Long Title: Do I have to Bait This All Over Again?
A Little Bit Mahi, A Little Bit Wahoo
The Crill I Knew Somewhere
Baleen Receiver
Last Ship to Sharksville
Take A Giant Squid
Mahi, Mahi
Every Curl of the Wave
Forget That Whale
Good Clean Sand
Shark Song
Me Without Tuna
Don't Bait for Me
Cod and Clam
Listen to the Reef

/me hides behind David <giggle>

LarryD, who was responsible for the whole mess in the first place, pokes his nose back in long enough to say:

Date: Mon, 20 May 1996 18:59:11 -0400

Or was that, "This Just Doesn't Seem To Be My......Filet"?

Then Zan thought she had the last word:

Date: Tue, 21 May 1996 17:57:14 -0400 (EDT)

David ... didn't mean to get the thread off the "mollusk" line <g>... 
you know how easily amused we are with threads. <snicker> I thought of
a couple more <run away, run away <G>>:

Sailsman
I'm Gonna Swim
The Shell I Left Behind Me
This Just Doesn't Seem To Be My Shore
Papa Squid's Ink

OK ... I'll stop now ... no need to threaten! <G>

But ade managed to finish (or would that be "fish-nish"?) the thread:

Date: Fri, 24 May 1996 04:55:24 -0700 (PDT)

AHEM:

To go with the fish motif:


One Fish's Blues

Tell me
Just one more time
The reasons you have lured me
Tell me once more why you should need to eat me
Tell me again but don't think that you can gut me

Now you've said
Before putting the line in the water you put worms there
When you're hungry enough you'd put anything on your bread
But there's nothing quite as tasty as a fish head

As far as I can see
You've got plenty of supplies
You're a greedy Gus
And that means I go bye-bye

So I lose
I won't live too long
With your teeth 
Set in my grooves
And all this chewing on my fins has got me contused
So you settle down and let me go loose

As far as I can see
You've got plenty of supplies
You're a greedy Gus
And that means I go bye-bye

So I lose
I won't live too long
With your teeth 
Set in my grooves
And all this chewing on my fins has got me contused
So you settle down and let me go loose

You settle down and let me go loose