The Lurker
by Melhi
s with any list, we get lurkers. Some of our lurkers <ahem> carry more weight than others, though...
From a 1996 email post of Melhi's to the Mailing List:
Subj: Hey NEZ!! (what? Too late? Darn ;) ) Date: Thu, 24 Oct 1996 12:52:24 PST To: monkees@lists.primenet.com Bill asks the stereophonic Glenn: > Glenn, how did ya know Nez was out there? Gather 'round kiddies... closer, we don't want the other lists to know our secrets. Shh... stop that giggling. <shining flashlight upwards at face> When the elusive Nez comes lurking in the shadows, to feed on the posts of listers, a hush falls upon the creatures here... sometimes squishing an unlucky cow or peep who whispers the name of Nez with its dying breath. Bitter winds ring hollow, winding a path of forboding through listworld, announcing the success of his arrival. The trout lie still in the jacuzzi, the kombucha giggle nervously in their jar, the peeps let go of their walls and cling instead to the underside of the coffee table. The cows come home and the Twinkies are suddenly as fresh as the century they were carved. Deathy Mouse is stricken mute... who is a much less interesting character, but at least it's a quiet one. There is an ill feeling the listers cannot escape... as if something is amiss instead of a Ms or a Mr.... an Elephant Part in the room, which nobody mentions. The very ground creaks and buckles under the weight of his presence... signaling it may be time to cut back on the Ho-Ho's, and eliciting terrified shrieks from the top of the ferris wheel. Newbies notice the hair standing up on the backs of their necks and oldbies smile secret evil smiles at one another... for they know. They do not particularly care, but they know. He utters not a word as he moves from building to building, one with the shadows, listening as a fly on the wall might listen to the conversations of others. Feasting ravenously on the abundant praise... spitting out the seeds of despair he finds in other posts. Leaving no lister's abode untouched... and while his presence is felt it's never truly known. Errant commas hide in other texts for the duration, lest the lurker unleash his wrath on them. Tumble weeds blow through the sauna, NGW Mikie's garb is suddenly opaque, Glenn comes through in mono, Hoo's digitlexia is temporarily, miraculously cured, Zan's saran is clingier. For though his visit is ominous, it brings with it a dark magic which changes listworld in subtle ways, obvious only to those who've studied the ancient texts and have learned to read the signs. This magic and its influence leaves with him when he goes... and when he is sated, he does go... as mysteriously and quietly as he arrived. Or maybe Glenn just did a "who". Mel.